On awakening, fed Isabella, SRF exercises, wrote in journal, Yoga, breakfast. Acknowledged something deeply personal and on arriving home with no parking, ended up heading to the grocery store which felt like an eerie Nor’Easter. I didn’t quite believe the reports of grocery store pandemonium but learned they were true. No toilet paper, soap, Lyson or Clorox wipes, lotion in limited supply and nearly out of sparkling water. While I don’t buy frozen foods, that aisle and the pasta aisle were wiped clean as well. Whatever. I got what I needed plus a little extra. I actually felt anger at the hoarding … how it totally felt like every person for themselves… that turned into sadness. Desparately wanting to help and not knowing how/where to do so other than retreat to my corner and do my part of distancing.
Once home, I finished up a little work, procrastinated, took a long walk and photographed and had a reading at Hex with Leeann; while I questioned if I should be going, I’m glad I did. Her insights are always helpful.
This reading was about me and this time ahead. We discussed the world situation and our need to reconnect with ourselves - the difficulty in that re connection and the ease with which we tune out (in her case, candy crush)
We talked about fear and blocks; that the real battle for me anyway is to find my way into art. That my voice is valid and needed. Words and pictures - therein lie expansion, growth and healing.
I watched a little news which continues to be alarming and rather grim. Hard to wrap one’s head around it yet the singing from quarantined homes in Italy was quite beautiful. Pushing oneself to find beauty in grim days. Painfully aware that the struggle is quite real to not slide into a diet of MSNBC and Twitter.
I changed the channel.
Dinner was pasta (couldn’t resist the irony) with a salad and three pieces of garlic bread self made. Going to take pictures of what I eat and share daily as I have food addictions - and not the kind where you don’t eat, but the kind where I will eat - particularly when things are chaotic. Food intake is a way of self control. Sharing will hopefully become a way to keep myself honest as the times I’ve felt most free with food were the times I was living a life I loved - one that took effort and commitment.
For the evening, I had 5 chocolate chip cookies and watched the Hillary documentary on Hulu (two segments) which was eye opening - how she’s been targeted for being a strong woman since she bucked the system and went into law school. I wasn’t a HRC fan in 2016 and began to sincerely question the shaping of my views by multiple sources. I ended the night with Everything’s Going to be Okay - the whole reason I reactivated by Hulu subscription - well worth the watch.