halfway in the last year of a decade
that feels like it belongs to an earlier time
for the gifts
of freedom
of beauty
of magic
of grace
that surround me at present
it’s been a long road to get to this now
so many early days
and years
of dark times
drenched in pain
and numbness
and voiceless echo’s
a teen
who’s silent screams
and disdain
were so painfully evident
a 20 something
taken by the whiteness
and liquidity of the times
the older 20 something
submerged in dreams
of silver chemicals
and brushstrokes
the 30 something
lost in a beautiful decade-plus bathed in emerald
of glistening mountains
& shimmering seas
almost like a hallucination
those times were so sweet
then those hollowed out years
of invisibility
and unknown despair
vanishing into nothingness
emerging on the other side now
strong, beautiful, powerful, wise
for all those million seconds when i didn’t, and couldn’t, and wouldn’t
i can
i will
i am
self portrait - 1990s
I’d be stretching the truth a bit if i didn’t express a certain apprehension at what looms on the horizon … a decade that’s sure to be filled with change - most i simply don’t want to look at let alone consider. While doing my level best to stand simply in the beautiful shine of this here day, i can’t deny there are nights where i wake up in a bit of a panic and it’s like the past flashes before me - all that was, all that is, all that might be. And that word “might” is key. I’m wired in a way that can fabricate nightmares out of dust and i’m thankful i’m dialed into the mental trickery that goes on - sometimes my head lies to me in my own voice and learning to distinguish exactly when that is has taken practice. So this is a bit of a tribute to those many years prior - a beginning sketch of where i’m at this year. Two self portraits taken in a time when my head was clear, feeling magical, powerful and rooted in a wild creativity. While time has shifted my appearance somewhat, i am still very much the me in these images - a dreamer and a believer in the power of love, kindness and magic.